Monday, November 10, 2008

The Obsession Continues....


So Halloween was a blast. This was the first time I've dressed up in years I'd forgotten how I'd missed it. I'm sitting counting the days until Dark Knight releases to Blu-ray... no DVD for this fangirl.

A small confession...

One of the reason's I started this blog was in the hope that someone I hurt very badly would find it. Daily I wonder how this person is doing and wish I could go back and fix what I feel I wrought. The fault was not entirely mine, but I did do a lot of emotional damage. I haven't spoken to this person in any way shape or form since the day they tried to kill themselves in front of my house. I still harbour a great deal of anger for that and if I ever do see them I will be hard pressed not to knock their block off before asking "Are you ok?"

Friday, October 17, 2008

My Undoing


This is the costume, that I was supposed to be getting off eBay. Small problem, though my jeans all say I'm a 29 waist which is the right size for this gorgeous creation, the tape measure says other wise. And this is not a purchase I can afford to get wrong as this bad boy goes for a pretty penny. Artifice Clothing that makes it does do custom sizes but there just isn't time...

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I'm Batman


Shortpacked is a comic about a toy geek such as myself (though dude he is soooo more hardcore than me) and his coworkers who work at a toy store. Unless you're into toys, like Transformers and G.I. Joe and love Batman this may be a little hard for you to follow the humour. However, if you are like me and love all thing's 80's and think Batman and Ronald Regan are mines for comedy gold? Go start at the beginning of the archive... really you'll love it!

Monday, October 6, 2008

For My Starlet

Today is the first session of mediation between the soon to be ex and me concerning the custody and care of the 4 year old Starlet. I have been trying to make sure this is all about her and not about me and him, but anyone who has been through a divorce knows it can be hard. I made a list of things I want addressed:

  • Children of Divorce course to better understand The Starlet’s emotional needs in this situation
  • A schedule that works for The Starlet.\The Starlet \doesn’t seem to cope well with the later bedtimes and early mornings on the days she has dinner with Dad.Can we reduce this to one day a week to better streamline her schedule? Every second weekend is still working fine
  • I would like Primary custody.I am concerned I cannot get The Startlet medical attention either physical or mental with out two signatures
  • Ex keeps mentioning moving to Victoria?
  • Christmas holidays (not comfortable with her going to Palm Springs for 3 weeks and not seeing her on Christmas)
  • School and daycare “not convenient” to Ex vs. where The Starlet is comfortable

I don't care either way about child support whether he has to pay me or I have to pay him, it's mandated by federal law. I just want her looked after. I want him to actually take her for the full time he has her (which he claims isn't much on one hand and then drops her off early so he can have a nap). Frankly though I'm still scared of him. He never laid a hand on me or the Starlet, but his mood swings and drug use make me want to take her and hide her. And all the mediator keeps saying is "Let's look to the future and not keep dredging up the past." The past is why I left and is why I should be looking after our daughter, does that mean nothing?

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Pokey Bits

Tribal Expressions is the Calgary piercing shop where my honey gets the holes put in his head. I posted a picture over on Envisage 365 of him fishing in World of Warcraft and everyone was more interested in his ear piercing. The are a piercing shop that produces all their own jewellery. They also do branding and scarification. They have done all of my honey's piercings and they have all healed beautifully and he gets complimented on them all the time. They are a little pricier but the results are worth it.

Friday, September 26, 2008

My Confectionary Angel


My old roommate and best friend makes cakes and candy and cookies and banana bread and cupcakes and.... well you get the picture. She's the reason I joined Weight Watchers... not because of all of the sugar she stuffed me with, but because she inspired me.... she lost 75 pounds and fit into a blouse I wanted to buy and it wouldn't fit me. I joined the next day and I'm proud to say I lost 23 pounds. She also has supplied my little girl with the best homemade birthday cakes EVER! So Miss Bean I know you're reading this.... I want the damn blouse.

Monday, September 22, 2008

My Artist


Teika Hudson is not only an amazing tattoo artist she is also one of my nearest and dearest friends. And to top it off her little girl is best friends with my little girl. I've known Teika for 8 years now and in that time I have acquired not only tattoos but 6 of her paintings as well. She is the sweetest person alive and a wickedly talented artist. This photo is of stage one of my back piece. It's covering up some older pieces that didn't age so well and incorporating ones that I already have. I'll be showing the ongoing process. This was 2 hours of work....only 4 or 5 more 2 hour sessions....

I Know You've Seen This But....


It's so cool not to share again. Behold the "The Ex Voodoo Knife Holder" and his smaller but no less pokey friend "Ouch - The Voodoo Doll Toothpick Holder" I got the latter for my older brother last Christmas and he couldn't stop laughing. My dear British 60 something mother was horrified. My work here is done.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Women Piss Me Off

Envisage 365 is the photo project I have been involved in. The idea is for each one of the women involved to submit a picture from their day to day life, everyday. There were no limits set. So one of the ladies submitted a picture from a sex toy party. Now for me this was a clever and imaginative photograph. I don't share this project with my daughter who is 4, it's my own thing, for myself. But some of the other ladies do share the photos with their children. And one of these mothers raised the question of "guild lines" Yeah well. I understood her concerns, but frankly it's a dildo, call it an adult massager and not for little girls and move on. However this well meaning mother's email has created drama. This type of drama is why I have always avoided doing anything with woman... and god forbid in text. People are wanting to quit because of this and "other" slights. It's like being in freaking high school. I will continue in the project because it's a challenge to me. But learn to deal ladies, please.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Battles

As some people who read this know, I've been separated from my husband for over a year now. We were only married 3 years though we'd been together for almost 13 years total. I'm leery of writing much about it because I don't want him tracking this down and trying to turn it into a weapon against me. But like an idiot I never pushed for a separation or custody agreement when I left. I just wanted out so badly I went and that was that. And now I'm sitting here reading up on family law as he is demanding to take our 4 year old to Palm Springs for Christmas... And what pains me about this all is for the first 3 years of her life he always acted as though she was a huge inconvenience to him and now suddenly he's interested... but only when it's convenient to him... and as much as I am happy for my daughter I can't help but wonder if he's just doing it to try and manipulate me.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Great People Doing Great Things


The Meow Foundation is a great organization here in Calgary that rescues abandoned cats. They are a no kill society and I've been fortunate to have adopted my last two cats from them. They have been in operation since 2000 and have rescued and placed well over 3000 cats in that time. Our latest family addition is Neville (another cool fact? They name every cat that comes in and have never repeated a name!) He is a big bruiser, I seriously think he may be part bobcat. So if you're the Calgary area and you want to give a cat a second chance or even want to donate money to a seriously good cause... please go take a look.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

My little addiction....

Webcomics

Not so horrible, you think, but that list over to the side there? That's not all of my comics that I read daily and or however often the artist blesses me with an update. Those are just my favourites. So I figured once in a while I would randomly plug another one with out adding it to the list. And hey don't be mad because you aren't a favourite... I love you all now matter how ugly and misshapen you are. Really....

Go look at Anders Loves Maria

Monday, September 15, 2008

Once you go plush....


I found these ladies sometime two years ago. They gave me the giggles so hard I kept the site bookmarked to see how they would expand the line. I haven't been disapointed they now have over 13 models including customizable "furries". I kid you not.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Mask

I'm trying to keep myself together. For the first time in 10 years my depression is knocking on the door and like an idiot I'm answering. I'm staring into space, trying not to think, trying not to feel. In 15 minutes my ex is dropping off our daughter early, "because he's tired", and
I have to put my mask back on that I am strong and capable and not intimidated by him. And I'm not sure I can.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

What is fair?

My soon to be ex dropped a bomb on me when he picked our darling daughter up today for his time with her. He wants to take her to Palm Springs for Christmas.... What do I say to this? No way in fucking Hell? I mean she is his little girl too. But it's like the 4 year old inside of me is screaming "I DON'T WANNA" And I don't. I mean seriously who wants to be separated from their kid on Christmas which makes me a bag for saying no because of course he wants to have his little girl with him for Christmas. And no, before anyone asks, we have no formal child custody agreement in place because I'm a fuck wit and left with out getting one because I needed to get out... So I have to find a balance with what I can handle and what is fair.... God, I hate being a grown up....

Friday, September 12, 2008

Word Doctor

I am taking the Starlet to see the speech pathologist today. I don't want to. My ex and his father are both hard of hearing and think she has a problem... I think she's 4 and they are over reacting. And of course I am the one who has to take time off work to take her... Regardless of the fact my ex has finally started parenting her, it seems to limit itself to when it's convenient. I wish I didn't sound like every other bitter separated person, but I get so frustrated. I would and do, do anything for her. I figure if there is any issue it is because of her enlarged adenoids... well at least this will be another step to getting that fixed for her.

Edit 3:37 PM It went well, she is above average in her speech development, but has a mild issue with complex words, probably due to enlarged tonsils and
adenoids.... next step ENT...

Thursday, September 11, 2008

My Ladies


These little ladies are Momijis. They are a knock off of Japanese dolls and frankly I love them. My daughter calls them my ladies. You can hide notes in the bottom for your friends... I currently have about 12 and they migrate around the house because I like holding them when I'm thinking.

Seperation Anxiety

I often wonder if I'm missing some vital mummy gene. I have no issue whatsoever leaving my 4 year old daughter The Starlet, over night, for a weekend, for two weeks.... and I swear the Mummies at daycare think I'm some sort of freak. Don't get me wrong I miss her terribly when we're apart but I'm not a wreck like some of my friends are. I often think it's because my soon-to-be ex-husband never really took part in parenting her in the first 3 years, because I was on ALL the time, I now love the off time when she is with him... I mean he refused to try and give her a bottle after one attempt... or a cup.... my doctor had me start her on solids at 3 months because I was the only thing she would accept. And I'm all about the breastfeeding but it gets wearing being the milk bar. But is that it? And why is it other mother's think I'm some sort of negligent mother because I can take the time for myself gladly?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Despite appearances

I'm not Goth... at least I don't think I am. Yes, I like gargoyles and vampires and clothes with rivets and skulls but I also think that khaki cargo skirt with the Sketchers and the soft vneck t in chocolate brown is adorable... Now my best friend? She is GOTH, not Goth.. but GOTH. Seriously she owns next to no colour, has boxes of skull accessories and her apartment looks like a Halloween catalogue. I am both envious and gobsmacked by it on a regular basis but I couldn't do my whole house like that.... just a quite reading room with candlelabras and swags of velvet....

Let's see where this takes us...

I'm not sure why I'm doing this....

I honestly find blogs a strange entity unless they have a purpose... and mine really doesn't. Self serving drama? A cracked reflection on who I am? Dear goddess.... I sound like an emo 15 year old not a 32 year old mother of one. For now I will set this for my ladies to read This group of women have become my daily place to forget my troubles and laugh and raise and eyebrow.

This isn't going to be pretty ladies but you're welcome along for the ride