Welcome to the Sandbox

I belong to several Yahoo Womens Groups. They are an interesting place and even though we're all out of high school, they semi-regularly devolve into nasty little spats. Because of this I created my own group and invited a few people over from the other groups. I wanted a group with people who weren't easily offended and who I didn't have to censor myself in front of. Where I could be a cunt and a bitch and not feel judged. Well, one woman left recently on bad terms with some of the other members. I respected her decision and frankly it made it easier on me to not have to play referee as the group owner. Only now I think said woman has told some of the women I did not invite to my sandbox. What bothers me about this is the fact I was not being intentionally exclusionary, I invited the people who were more into my interests in an effort to make them feel safer because many of them had been lambasted at some point or another for their beliefs or lifestyles. I don't agree with them on everything, and they know this but we seem to be able to get along. What makes it even more maddening is when I first created the group I respected the woman who quit when she asked I not invite a certain person. I was trusting to her judgement and it ended up causing hurt feelings, though thankfully those have been talked past. But the people who I'm possibly hurting now? They are friends, I love talking to them but in a completely different context. No matter what I do I will upset people. I just hope they will come to understand that is not my intention.

Wounded

These are lyrics to a Good Charlotte song called Wounded. Yes, these guys are a guilty pleasure of mine as they are so emo it hurts. However these lyrics have always resonated with me. This past week I've lost trust in a dear friend and I'm feeling wounded again and I don't like it. My partner has been watching this and as always he's helping me to heal my wounds even though it is not his fault.

Lost and broken,
Hopeless and lonely.
Smiling on the outside,
and hurt beneath my skin.

My eyes are fading,
My soul is bleeding.
I'll try to make it seem okay,
But my faith is wearing thin.

So help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way too long.
Help me fill this hole,
Even though this is not your fault,

That I'm open,
And I'm bleeding,
All over your brand new rug.
And I need someone to help me sew them up.

I only wanted a magazine,
I only wanted a movie screen,
I only wanted the life I'd read about and dreamed.
And now my mind is an open book,
And now my heart is an open wound,
And now my life is an open soul for all to see.

But help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way too long.
Help me fill this hole,
Even though this is not your fault,

That I'm open and I'm bleeding,
All over your brand new rug.
And I need someone to help me,
So you come along,
I push you away,
Then kick and scream for you to stay.
Cuz I need someone to help me,
Oh I need someone to help me,
To help me heal these wounds,
They've been open for way too long.
Help me fill this hole,
Even though this is not your fault,

That I'm open,
And I'm bleeding,
All over your brand new rug.
And I need someone to help me sew them,
I need someone to help me fill them,
I need someone to help me close them up.