My Vampire Clan

My avatar on this site is the clan symbol from the World of Darkeness Vampire game for a bloodline of vampires called Malkavians. Malkavians are in short crazy. They are all cursed (or blessed in some of their eyes) to carry some sort of pychosis for eternity. When I was first introduced to the game I thought the clan was stupid and dismissed it prefering to play an emo, tortured soul, artistic Toreador. Think Edward from Twilight, yeah I was young. But after my father died when I was 19 and my world went side ways, I ended up heavily medicated and in therapy. There was more to it than just my father's death but it was what finally brought me up short and made me look into myself. And as a result of rebuilding my sanity I began to understand why people played Malkavians. I learned to use the game and the clan to help me work through my issues, to own my depression and to open myself up to who I was. Over the years I have played in many a game and story told a few and I have always brought in this clan to show people things that "sane" people might prefer not to see, to tell my story without actually putting myself out there. Several years ago a friend bestowed upon me the title the Goddess of Madness because I "knew more than I should about the crazy side of life" I wear that title with pride and I keep it up in front of me to remind me of the times when crazy was my bedfellow.

Mama's Girls Need a New Home

I'm sitting on the couch...I'm supposed to be napping and trying to anilhate this chest cold but I digress. Anyway, I'm sitting on the couch in my yoga pants and bra... and gods I hate the sight of this worn out, ill fitting garment that is supposed to be making my girls more attractive. My mother very rarely bought new bras, in fact my mother very rarely bought new anything until she absolutely had to. I understand as a child of post-war Europe where her behavior stems from. But why do I choose to follow this same behavior I have no clue. And what makes it stranger is I will drop a stupid amount of cash on a purse and occasionally shoes but not bras. I have a drawerful of these sad, sad garments that in no way fit or flatter. And then when I do break down and go shopping I end up buying the cheapest thing I can find. It's as though I have an unconcious vendetta against my boobs. I feel I need to apologize to them.

T-Shirt Slogans

From time to time my partner and I get into conversations that leave both of us laughing so hard we actually scare the baby. The latest ended with this gem that I would love to get a on a shirt for him, "Not a misogynist, just an asshole"

Living in Fear

I live in fear of my soon-to-be-ex-husband. He never laid a hand on me in all our years together. But he had a terrible temper... especially when he wasn't getting his pot regularly. I ended up enabling the habit because he was easier to deal with when he was stoned. You can see why I left. I also left because he always acted like our daughter was an inconviniance. He told me he was jealous of the attention I gave her. Yes this is normal, but it persisted until I left when she was 3. He comes from a family with money. They pay to get him out of all his "situations" , I'm pretty sure they are paying for his lawyer. And did I mention he is unemployed (again) yet still talking a vacation before Christmas? He always wanted things his way and I got to the point I would agree and now I find myself doing it again just so he will sign the divorce papers. Goddess give me a back bone.