Thursday, March 4, 2010

Holding My Breath

So 3 weeks ago the divorce papers were re-filed with the court. The ex contested divorce based on wanting to pay less child support. The kicker? He ended up paying more. He finagled it by telling my lawyer he had to take 6 weeks off after his heart surgery so he could pay the same as before. I didn't question it because the last time he had heart surgery that was he recovery time. I called him a week later and he as at work :P Frankly I'm more worried about him dropping dead than I care about the child support. I do not want my daughter losing her father and frankly I don't want to lose him either. We may be an awful married couple and I may have a hard time liking him some days I but do still care about him.

What I do hate is I'm going on 3 years of limbo. Three years of wanting to say my name, not his when people ask for my full name. I never wanted to change it but I did to make him happy. I'm planning on hypenating my daughter's name so she can be connected to both of us. I'm hoping he doesn't come up with some reason to contest it again. It's already costing 3 times what it should have and I've had to cancel our family vacation this year because of it.

I still struggle with my daughter, I can't tell her I left her father because he smokes enough pot to supply a hippy sit in at Berkley and never respected me and would throw a fit if he didn't get his way. I can't tell her he refused to change her diaper for 4 months, that he never wanted to hold her or play with her, that it took me leaving for him to give a rats ass about her. So I tell her we couldn't stop fighting and we didn't respect each other enough to listen anymore.

I love you my Starlet and so does your Daddy. I'm sorry I had to walk away.