A question unasked

So I finally got my divorce certificate last month. Yay, hurray, done! Now anyone who knows me also knows I have been leery about the idea of being married again. But then you same people also know just how in love and devoted to Mr. O I am. I won't go on in ridiculous drivel but let's just say I'm still trying to figure out how I won the relationship lottery.

So what's the problem you may ask? What trouble is sullying paradise? Why is she asking these ridiculous questions? Well you're going to laugh...

I'm upset he hasn't proposed yet.

Yes, you read that right, I'm acting like an emo teen who hasn't got the attention of the boy she hides from, because Mr. O hasn't got down on one knee and asked me to get hitched.

We discuss marriage, he knows I'm not going to say no (well probably not), hell he even tried to ask my older brother for his blessing but got nervous and didn't. And of course I'm reading all sorts of stupid crap into this. He doesn't love me enough, he feels he doesn't have to, I'm not good enough. As I say CRAP that my gremlins like to sling at me like monkeys and their poo.

I mean I don't even want a big wedding. I want a fluffy dress, a few close friends and a BBQ, I don't even want my family within a 50 mile radius.

So someone please explain to me why this matters after all we have been through together?