Bad Parent Alert Here

So there has been some controversy lately in the province I currently call home. It surrounds our Finance Minister making these comments about her children "They've understood perfectly well that when you're raising children, you don't both go off to work and leave them for somebody else to raise," Evans said. "This is not a statement against daycare. It's a statement about their belief in the importance of raising children properly."

I like an idiot, typed before thinking on my dear friend Karl's blog White Noise after having posted about my extravegant purchase of a Trophy Queen Diaper bag. I bought said bag with gift/bonus money on sale... not full price. That aside I answered the Anonymous commenter who claimed it was only people who weren't willing to make sacrifices that had an issue with the Finance Minister's comments, without thinking and I got spanked for it by said Anonymous commenter. (Incidently Anonymous commenters piss me off royal, have the guts to own your comments people)

I have savings, I could stay home if we didn't want a bigger house for the approaching baby. We live in a 2 bedroom condo that is currently underwater mortgage wise because of the housing market crash. Sure we could stay here, but I want something better for my daughters... say like a yard for them to play in. I live in one of the more exspensive Canadian cities, I would love to move somewhere smaller but my career and my partner's career don't lend themselves to small towns as they don't tend to need IT support people and software programmers. Besides the fact my oldest daughter's father lives here and I can't just whisk her away from her father. And I have budgeted and bought all my baby items used or on sale.

I shouldn't have to justifiy myself, but people like our Finance Minister make me feel I have to. Besides which? I'm not SAHM material. I like adult interaction. Even if I were to stay at home, Mommy Groups and play dates aren't enough for me. I would have to do something part-time, my writing, consulting, something. And I don't think this makes me a bad parent. The Starlet is well loved, well cared for, she is smart, has great manners and knows her parents will drop everything for her when needed. I don't think she is "lacking" because I work outside the home. Her daycare teachers say she is a joy and one of their best helpers, and empathetic to her peers. It takes a whole community to raise a child doesn't it?

Divine Bags

Trophy Queen is another of my weaknesses. These bags are delicious. Vintage style car vinyl in fabulous colours to make awesome, near indestructible purses. I have a smaller purse and treated myself to a fabulous diaper bag in red with a black racking stripe. They are all lined in leopard print and seriously are great bags to have. And did I mention they do custom orders? In Calgary you can get them at Blame Betty and can do your custom order through them too!

Doing More

As my due date with the fabulous Miss gets closer I am re-examining myself. When the Starlet was born I lost myself for a while... I mean seriously what mother doesn't? For me it was more so than some women because of the complete disconnect from my ex. Most new fathers experience issues with having a new baby, I mean hell I was having issues with having a new baby! But he pulled away and would actually say he was jealous and "You love the baby more." I hardly saw him for her first 3 months of life he was out partying so much... while unemployed... yeah I picked a winner apparently. So The Starlet became my life, being everything to her became what I was. And I'll be honest bad move. Being a Mummy is truly amazing but being a Mummy to the exclusion of all else to block out the fact the rest of your life is in shambles? Yeah, not so smart. So where does this ramble take me?

I'm making a promise to myself to update here once a week... once a week I will come here and either rant, rave or just bore you whoever you are to tears... But I will take this small space in the grand space that is the internet and sing my song.

My New Obsession

These beautiful dolls from Bamboletta are my latest obsession. I got one for The Starlet for her birthday and she adores her. I wasn't expecting the reaction of pure joy The Starlet had to this doll. Heck I wasn't expecting my reaction. They are all natural dolls in the Waldorf style. Their outfits are hand made and they are amazing in the little details. Christine creator and head of the mama brigade who makes these darlings is a sweet and amazing lady who had put up with my incessant questions and even offered to send me extra shoes when I enquired about purchasing extras for the doll I got for my daughter. I'm now hoping my next daughter will be responsible at an early age so I can get her one too!

And Here We Are

Tomorrow my daughter will turn 5. I'm sitting here with my second daughter still inside me and I'm being a silly twit and getting weepy for the baby my first daughter was. I get glimers of the woman my Starlet will be and while I swell with pride my heart screams "STOP GROWING UP!"

But in all honesty despite the ups and downs of my separation and divorce, she is proving to be a wonderful little person. She is considerate and funny. She assimilates knowledge I don't even realize she's picking up. She is telling me how she will be an excellent big sister to her soon to be half sister. In short despite the pangs of regret at the baby that is slipping away I am proud of the person she is becoming.

Happy Birthday Starlet. I love you to the moon and back.

New Artist Love

Laurie B! is a fabulous artist I discovered at the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo

I ended up buying the print of Batgirl you see here, plus four more of Supergirl, Wonder Woman, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. I posted to her site to get her email because I want to buy more... She had Smurfette, Strawberry Shortcake and Rainbow Brite too... and Zatana and Buffy and Hermione and... You get the point I WANT THEM ALL!

When I was young

I belong to a fabulous "womens" group online. I look forward every morning to logging into my email and seeing what we are discussing. For the most part since the lady mentioned in a previous post was removed from the group it's been fun and interesting. But the last few days have been a bit of a trial. When ever hot button topics are discussed you must expect some temper to flair. So when abortion of a mid-term baby was raised it's hardly surprising that the usual camps set up. For the most part though we had a pretty reasonable discussion.

There is a girl, and yes I use the term girl because she is 20 and her speech and habits have left me to view her as such. She has suffered great tragedy in her young life losing one baby to miscarriage and two late in her pregnancys. There are more details I won't go into that leave me shaking my head in sympathy and in confusion with her. She refuses to get therapy for these losses and that is her right but you can feel the pain in the words she writes. You can feel her rage. And you can see the youth in her in the lack of thought that sometimes goes into her statements. You can't have a large group of women as diverse as we are and not have someone who has not had an abortion. I admit here and you can flail me all you want that I had one, 7 weeks into the pregnancy. I can also state I regret it everyday but will never be anything but pro-choice. Late term abortion horrifies me, but it is a woman's right I can't dispute that.

The girl in question did not know this about me and made the statement if she knew someone had an abortion she could not enter into a friendship with them, but if she knew them and then found out she would probably remain their friend. And I admit I responded without thought. I found her statement repugnant even though she is entitled to how she feels. So I responded that "Well I guess we can't be friends" Childish, petty and vengeful of me. The situation devolved further as other ladies who oppose abortion compared it to not wanting to become friends with someone if you knew they were an abuser of animals or a child molester. I read these with resignation and thought "Well gee thanks for that, glad to know where you think I stand in the world according to you" I also tried to understand it from their point of view and just let it go.

Yeah it got worse.

I said as much in group, but another lady came to my defense and suddenly the girl was raging about the babies she has lost. The lady who defended me had also lost a late term child but is also staunchly pro-choice. The rage from the girl lashed out in the unfortunate form of her saying the lady's grief was less than hers because she had lost only one child not 3. The lady questioned this and dear gods it got ugly. But in all of it I kept looking at the girl and seeing myself in my late teens and early twenties, my conviction in my beliefs and the complete disregard to the feelings or thoughts of others. The inability to see beyond myself and what was wrong in my world. And I'm not mad at her I just wish I could make her see.